Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's OK to Lose!!!

Wow, these past 2 days have flown right on by.... I don't know if it's because of the time change, and it seems so much earlier than it is...and then I look at the clock and it's 5 o'clock...time to go home...woo-hoo!! Speaking of the time change.... does anybody else have the HARDEST time waking up in the morning now?? I love, love, love the evening time now... and I love, love, love that it stays light longer (especially for the kids); but I h-a-t-e that it's still dark at 7 a.m!! Oh well, I can't win them all...right??

Anyway, it's that time of the week where, thanks to TuTu's Bliss, I get to give my "Two Cents". And this week, we get a bonus.... the best "Two Cents" wins a custom collage and photo editing services!!

Today's Two Cents is something that has bothered me for a LONG time.... winning and losing; and how we do or do not allow our children to lose!!!!

I remember growing up and playing games with my friends...or competing in Field Day at school, there was always a winner and a loser. If your team scored enough points playing kickball, then you won... and the other team LOST. if you didn't win the bean-bag toss or relay race during field day, then you disn't get a first,second or third place ribbon!! That was it.... and you know what-- we survived!! We learned that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose...and that is OKAY....as a matter of fact, sometimes it is good to lose. It is good to lose because then you will WANT to win!!

Now-a-days, kids do not lose... they are not allowed to lose!! In t-ball, all of the kids get a hit, they all get to run to first base, nobody gets out...each team wins!! At Field Day, every child gets an "I'm a winner" ribbon, whether they win or lose!! When the kids have school functions or classroom games, each child wins...nobody loses!!! What??? What do you think that is really teaching the kids???

In my opinion, that is a huge disservice to our children. If we don't let them lose, then they will never learn 1) that it's ok to lose and 2) that if they do lose, it will teach them to strive to win!! If they never learn how it feels to lose, then they will never get the motivation to want to win. They will not learn how to try harder...they will never have anything to work for!!!
And this will carry on into there college and adult lives. They need to want to succeed...they need to want to move-up in their jobs...to further their careers!!!

And allowing them to ALWAYS win, will never let them feel that way!!! I am constantly telling my children that sometimes you win and sometimes you lose...and it is OK if you are the one that loses..... Just pick yourself up and try again!!!

This is not to say that they won't get upset when they do lose...because they will.... and I will be there to comfort them when it happens (and cheer them on when they win!!). But if they never lose, they will never know that feeling; therefore will never want the other feelings!!!

WOW....was that more than Two Cents?? Do I get docked for being too wordy, TuTu??


TuTu's Bliss said...

Not at all..and you have great timing. On kind of the same note:
I got my daughter's school list today and I was surprised to learn that we will have to buy a tshirt for her "uniform" and her list requests that ALL items be plain, no personalization since "Children make comparisons and this can cause problems" I wish my daughter would learn that sometimes Suzy has something fancy and you don't. That's life, it's not everything and she better to learn it now. I was also hoping school would expose her to a range of people, attitudes etc. So much for that idea!

April said...

I agree with everything you said. When Little Man was younger, I noticed how he was such a sore looser when we played games at home. Then I realized that in t-ball and everything at school nobody looses so he didn't know how to loose. We have pretty much gotten all that straightened out.

Sarah said...

I agree that kids need to learn how to win and lose. It's just like any other life skill. It makes it so much harder to lose when you have never lost before. In life there are PLENTY of opportunities to use this skill, both being a gracious winner and loser. Kids need to know how to handle both.

That's why I push my kids down when we race...OK, just kidding. There ARE times when it doesn't matter (who's___ is better) or when kids should win (not really the word I'm looking for), even if they only tried ther best.

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

Amen and Amen!

This whole... "Don't have tryouts... let them all make the team" thing too... Too much!

We are gonna have a world of people who are entitled to everything for doing and accomplishing NOTHING!!!

Michelle said...

I couldn't agree more with you. We have Junior Olympics at the elementary school and we only give the top 5 kids in each activity a ribbon. That means 45 kids don't get squat!

You have a boat load of entries on my giveaway. Good luck!

Rachael said...

i am a night owl by nature + i had just begun to train my body to get up earlier than it wanted to. then the stinking time change came rolling around and i am back at square one :(

TuTu's Bliss said...

This post was great but Kathy beat you out for the win. I still sent you some linky lovin' and feel free to send me a favorite few pics if you would like and I will send you a special honorable mention surprise!

Amy said...

This was a great post. I think it is hard for children and even adults to not win. I have come to find out that life is not always fair. That is hard to learn but a great thing. You should not get everything given to you. You win some and lose some. I guess we both lost out on TuTu's Bliss contest. Oh well there is always next time. Kathy won and that is great for her.

Bee and Rose said...

Hi! Came by from TuTu's Bliss!

What a wonderful post! I completely agree! Kids need to learn the "art of loss" just as much as the need to learn to "win with grace!" You don't always win in life and what a terrible thing not to teach a child how to cope with loss.

I love your blog! Hope you don't mind me hanging around!