Thanks DivaMa for giving me the opp to "Tell it Like it Tiz".........
This is kind of a sad, feeling sorry for myself, knowing that my life could be worse, but just mopey post!!! So, if you don't want to hear it, then come back tomorrow!! It has been almost 4 years since I lost my mom (january 7 is the day) and I swear it isn't getting any easier!! There are days (like today) where I wake up and I "need" to talk to her..... you see, she was not only my mom, but my best friend too. We did everything together, talked on the phone at least 3 times a day (every.single.day. until she got too weak and sick to talk so much) and had dinner together at least once a week (that was always my night off--where my mom would "take care" of everything--dinner, kids, baths, dessert etc..). I woke up this morning and I just really needed to hear her voice, I wanted to tell her about Angie singing at church and how when I picked up the boys yesterday that CJ's voice is deeper than ever!! I wanted to plan our Christmas dinner together and egg her on about not being able to guess what I got her for Christmas.... Oh, how I miss her.... why are some days so much harder than others??? My life is so different now without her; it seems like evrything has changed-- family doesn't get together like we used to, holidays are different, birthdays aren't the same.... sometimes I just feel lost without her!! I know I am a grown adult woman, with my own family...I know that we "expect" to lose our parents before us; but sometimes it just feels like it was too early, she was too young to die...I am too young to not have my mom...she should've lived to see her grandchildren graduate high school & college and go to their weddings!!!! She should've lived to deliver more babies and grow in her career (she had such a huge patient base, that loved her like I do...).
I am so disgusted cancer and all these "foundations" that we donate to that should be finding some kind of break through to help people with cancer. But, I'm no dummy-- I know they will never find a cure....too many people would lose money/funding if they could nix cancer (or alzheimers, diabetes, parkinson's etc...you get it)!!!
If you are still here, thanks for listening to my rant.... it feels good to share about my mom... I just miss her so!!!