Tuesday, December 16, 2008

I miss my mommy!!!

Thanks DivaMa for giving me the opp to "Tell it Like it Tiz".........

This is kind of a sad, feeling sorry for myself, knowing that my life could be worse, but just mopey post!!! So, if you don't want to hear it, then come back tomorrow!! It has been almost 4 years since I lost my mom (january 7 is the day) and I swear it isn't getting any easier!! There are days (like today) where I wake up and I "need" to talk to her..... you see, she was not only my mom, but my best friend too. We did everything together, talked on the phone at least 3 times a day (every.single.day. until she got too weak and sick to talk so much) and had dinner together at least once a week (that was always my night off--where my mom would "take care" of everything--dinner, kids, baths, dessert etc..). I woke up this morning and I just really needed to hear her voice, I wanted to tell her about Angie singing at church and how when I picked up the boys yesterday that CJ's voice is deeper than ever!! I wanted to plan our Christmas dinner together and egg her on about not being able to guess what I got her for Christmas.... Oh, how I miss her.... why are some days so much harder than others??? My life is so different now without her; it seems like evrything has changed-- family doesn't get together like we used to, holidays are different, birthdays aren't the same.... sometimes I just feel lost without her!! I know I am a grown adult woman, with my own family...I know that we "expect" to lose our parents before us; but sometimes it just feels like it was too early, she was too young to die...I am too young to not have my mom...she should've lived to see her grandchildren graduate high school & college and go to their weddings!!!! She should've lived to deliver more babies and grow in her career (she had such a huge patient base, that loved her like I do...).
I am so disgusted cancer and all these "foundations" that we donate to that should be finding some kind of break through to help people with cancer. But, I'm no dummy-- I know they will never find a cure....too many people would lose money/funding if they could nix cancer (or alzheimers, diabetes, parkinson's etc...you get it)!!!
If you are still here, thanks for listening to my rant.... it feels good to share about my mom... I just miss her so!!!

18 comments:

La Pixie said...

oh Babe, it must be so difficult. feel free to ALWAYS vent/be sad as must as you need. we want to be able to support you in any way we can, even if its just reading your thoughts.

Kristin said...

Virutal HUGS to you. Feel free to be sad on your blog when ever. That is what we are here for.

Carrin said...

I can't imagine what you must be feeling.
This is your space to feel and say whatever you want! We will always listen.

Rachel said...

I know it must be very hard around this time of year; I wish you strength in your grieving.

Emily said...

ohh tear!! I cant even imagine not even having my mom around.. I am glad that you have your blog so you can blog about her.. she sounds like a wonderful amazing mother! She will always be with you:)

Diva Ma said...

You have every right to shed a few tears as much as you need to where your mom is concerned. I have those same thoughts about my dad now that he has brain cancer. I can't fashion what it would be like without him and I just feel like he has to be here to see his grandchildren grow up and I have to see him get old (and laugh at him LOL) I'm always here to listen because I know it's hard.

Jaime Ann said...

This time of year is very hard on us when we are longing to be with a loved one. Big hugs and we are always here to listen! I hate cancer too!!! It took both my grandfathers too early.

Mama Amber said...

I can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm not good with words at all in these situations, but just know I (WE) are always here to listen! Stay strong.

LazyCrazyMama said...

Big hugs to you!! Its so hard to be missing a family member this time of year! Especially a mommy :(

Michelle said...

Hugs!

Shan said...

I am so sorry. That would be such a hard thing. My mom is my best friend also and I couldnt imagine losing her. I am sure she is with you in your heart and guiding you in spirit.

Live.Love.Eat said...

So sorry about your Mom. It definitely sounds like she was your BFF too. Hugs to you!!!!

sandy said...

I stopped by from SITS.

I'm sure that this time of year is especially difficult. Talk to her. She can hear you and it might give you some peace. {{HUGS}}

Tiffany said...

Grief is so hard. It just plain hurts to lose somebody you love.

Heather Marie said...

I am so sorry that you are having a rough day! Your mom may not physically be here but she is definetely with you mentally and spiritually. She can still see you and everything in your life. I can't imagine how you feel. I love my mother very much like you do so I can imagine how much you miss her. Be strong girlie. I will say a prayer for you! :)

avtcoach said...

I am so sorry about your mom. This is the time of year when we especially want to be close to those we love and it hurts alot when we cannot. You are right though, the fact that we are adults, grown up and all, does not mean that we don't suffer the loss. I am sorry for your loss and hope you find a way to celebrate her life and share in the holiday with her spirit along side of you!

Chris said...

I hear you and I feel for you. My dad died, unexpectedly, ten years ago this Friday. It's a tough time ahead, and sometimes it's okay to be mopey. They should have been around to see so much more of life.
I hope you're doing okay.

Lacey in the Sky said...

Ugh, I wish I could hug you. Close your eyes and wrap your arms around yourself for me, girl!(A good one, okay?) & Blogs are here for whatever we want them to be here for... some days, we just need to vent! Don't feel guilty for that! I always say blogging is my free therapy!