We’ve got the stomach flu making its way through our house this week...yuck!! So far, it hasn’t been a terrible, lay-you-out, can’t hold a thing down bug; but it’s been enough to where two of the kids had to stay home from school. And now I’m starting to feel bad….I can feel my stomach getting uneasy, I have a BAD headache and I can feel the fever coming on!! But you know what…it can’t keep me from blogging, especially on my Thursday post!!
I wonder if MamaKat knows how much I love Thursdays and I wonder if she knows it’s because I love Writer’s Workshop!! Again, I really wanted to try one of the harder ones, but I just could not figure out how to write a fun, cool, catchy Haiku…boo!! And who wants to read a boring, unorganized mess of one---not me, so I’m certainly not going to write one!! Maybe next week, MamaKat…don’t give up on me, yet!!
The first time I heard the words “We’re sorry, but there is nothing more we can do for her”, my.heart.just.broke. You see, she had been battling cancer on and off for 7 years. Each year bringing a newly formed tumor which she would treat with chemo and/or radiation; and each year seeing the cancer get “beat”. But in August 2004, after the latest tumor did not respond to any treatments and was aggressively growing, they said “we’re so sorry, but there is nothing more we can do for her”. This tumor laid right up against her sciatica which caused her so much pain and weakness. Because of that, she had to be on many different pain medicines; which in turn, slowly kept her from doing the things she loved!!! She fought on, she never gave up…never gave up her will to live. Her last Thanksgiving with us, she was so frail.... she had to have help to walk and couldn’t eat more than a few bites. But still, she fought on, never gave up. Her last Christmas with us we ate McDonald's cheeseburgers with her because, out of any food in the entire universe, that was the only thing she could even think of eating. And yet still, she fought on, not giving up her strong will to live. She spent her last "New Years Eve" in the hospital, with all of us around her bed, watching as she was in a morphine induced, heavy sleep. Her breathing so labored, her body twitching and at that moment I knew she couldn't fight anymore; and it wasn't fair for me to "want" her to keep fighting. On January 7, 2005 I lost my mommy, my best friend!!
You know I'd like to have asked why "there was nothing more they could do"...?? You mean with all those millions of dollars donated every year (every month I'm sure), that there is not some kind of medical breakthrough to help heal those with cancer?? Oh wait, I forgot: too many doctors, insurance companies, hospitals,pharmacies, drug companies, executives etc... make way to much money off cancer patients (and alzheimer's diabetes AIDS etc...) to ever "find a cure". I know I speak of my mom's death alot, but she was (still is) such a BIG part of my life and this is very therapeutic for me.....so, thanks for the ears!! :)
Some pictures of me and my mommy (from my childhood):
1 month old
5 Years Old
High School Graduation