Tuesday, February 17, 2009

My Two Cents: Having Favorites

Thank you to Tutu's Bliss for Two Cents Tuesday (wow, lots of T's) because I definitely have something on my mind today!! It just so happens that her topic is on parenting and that is exactly what I want to talk about it. Her parenting discussion is about being a paranoid parent--always worrying about your child getting sick or hurt or whatever; and I am definitely a worrier and I definitely have alot to say on that topic....... BUT, what I want to give my two cents on is having favorites!!!
It is an unwritten rule that we, as parents, do not have a favorite child. I mean we love all of our children differently, for different reasons.....and we show are love differently to each one too, based on what they are comfortable with... like Ethan and Joseph are cuddlers and like to be hugged on and snuggled with; CJ and Angie like verbal affection!!

But, what is the "rule" for kids having a favorite parent.... is it true: "Boys are closer with their moms and Girls are closer with their dads"?? I would like to think (well, I know it is true) that I am very close with my kids. We do everything together, we share everything and we spend most of our free time with each other.....and I would NEVER want them to pick me over their dad or their dad over me (but if they have to pick-- they better pick me!!...he-he, I joke, I joke).

However, lately, I have been feeling kind of bummed or hurt or sad because I feel like Angie loves her daddy much more than me.... I know, I know, I am being silly, but I can't help the way I feel!! She is always saying how she loves daddy and wants to be with him.... and I will say, "I love you too" and she just looks at me and says "well, I love my daddy!!"

Now, I know, she is only 3 and she really doesn't mean that she loves him more than me....... or does it?? I know kids can be closer with one parent, but do you really think they can have a favorite....can they love one more than the other??

I am not trying to be a spoiled, whiny parent, AT ALL..... seriously, I feel like I do so much for all of my children and I try to keep everything in order and yet still have fun; but at the same time, I am the disciplinarian and I do most of the yelling.... so, do I lose "points" for that??

Anybody else ever feel this way?? Do you get me...or am I just being irrational??? Give me your "two cents"!!!

Cute story: Joseph is definitely a mama's boy...to the extreme... He would do anything for me and he is very, very protective of me (all 37 lbs of him--- yes, at 7 yrs old he is only 37 lbs!!). Anyway, last night after Angie just got done telling me that she only loved daddy and wanted to only be with him, I walked into the kitchen and Joseph said:
"Well, good thing you have me mommy...because you know I love you!!!"...... That's my boy!!


BlogBaby said...

Hi Melissa!

Thanks for stopping by BlogBaby.

I should tell you that I highly encourage all children to pick a favorite parent, it comes in really handy when you want to encourage the "other" parent to win you over with treats and other bribes! ;)


Jennifer said...

I've felt that way many times. I remember feeling that my son (who's 2.5 now) loved his daddy more. It hurt. But, it passed. My hubby helped by pointing out things that my son only did with me, and not Daddy. I realized that he loved us both. Sometimes, he just showed it differntly at differnt times. Does that make sense?

Hugs to you! I've been there.

Sarah said...

I have three girls and the older two have their Daddy's girl moments (the last is still a baby and is ALL about mommy) but they spend so much time with me I think that's fair. I like the "all i want is daddy" moments because it gives me a break :)

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

No, she does not mean it the way you think she does. She, at 3, feels closer to him at this particular point in her life.

I remember super loving my Dad over my Mama.. one time or another.

It passed and then I super adored her.

She's 3, she'll love you both at the same time soon. I promise.

Just remember... WHAT YOU DO/BUY FOR THEM isn't why they love you.
They love you just because you ARE!
The beautiful thing is... they have a huge capacity to adore you whether you do the right or wrong things... and are capable of loving you MORE because you do right!

Carrin said...

Finally someone who is willing to put voice to the feelings I've been having!
I'm divorced and every single time the kids see their dad, I cease to exist! Whether we are at a basketball game or church, it doesn't matter. They go running! It makes me feel like screaming!
I think it is the fact that we do the "hard parenting". There always has to be the one who takes it easy and the one is tough (good cop/bad cop).
I know this will pass but I'm with you on the feelings.

April said...

My daughter would deffinately pick her Daddy over me anyday. It use to bother me because Little Man has always been so close to me. Then, I realized it is because she is with me ALL DAY EVERY DAY. He works A LOT and sometimes even 7 days a week. So I realized it's not that she loves him more, it's just that she misses him more. And, I enjoy getting the small break.

Rachel said...

My daughter is definately a daddy's girl and she loves spending time with him; if she wants something she would ask him first. My son is close with the both of us but prefers to tell my hubby things before me :(

Anonymous said...

I was a daddy's girl...and it did create resentment for my mother. She made life miserable as a result.

BUT...having that relationship with my Dad enabled me to get a great hubby (like my Dad) so I think it was very important.

Just remember, he might get her while she's cute and adorable...but he'll start being less cool the older she gets and she will turn to you more often, as I've found with my daughter (11 now). Course....we get them when the hormones start....booooooooo!

Thanks for visiting me!

TuTu's Bliss said...

My girls are Daddy's girls. Everyone asks if he "is trying for that boy?" and he gets so angry. He thinks they are perfect and when people assume they are not "enough" he gets livid. But part of me wanted a son in the begining. My secret hope was to have a momma's boy

♥ Kathy said...

One of my daughter's is the epitome of a 'daddy's girl' the other one is my clone lol I think kids can definitely be closer to one parent or the other but not in a 'I love you less' kind of way...more like 'I love you more' :) They love us both but maybe identify with one of us more than the other...

Sarah said...

My son definitely prefers me husband over me at times. What's worse is a lot of times I think he prefers my MIL over me. In our situation I think it has to do with the fact that I'm the one who is with him all the time, telling him what he can and can't do and when he's with others it's all about having fun.

I think most kids will have a favorite parent at different stages, but often it goes back and forth. Some nights at bedtime it's "ONLY DADDY!" then others it's "ONLY MOMMY!"

It's Just Me said...

Not sure how I popped in here, but thanks for the peek. I too have three boys and one girl....

Thanks for the peek,

Wifey Dessert said...

Hi!! I don't think you are being silly or whiney!! your feelings are valid!! BUT i don't think she loves her daddy more than you, she just feels closer to him right now...

it also might be that she doesn't spend as much time with her daddy as you so she is wanting extra attention from him but you she sees lots!!!

*big hugs*

Anonymous said...

I don't think you're being silly. Perfectly normal actually.

I think we all feel like that sometimes. And I think that your kids will probably flip-flop back and forth for a while. Don't take it personally. Easier said then done I know.

Sarah said...

When we were younger and one would "get away" with something we would ineveitably ask the "why can she do it?" question. My mother would simply reply (usually without even thinking) "because she's my favorite today." I'm pretty sure one day she is going to turn to her Daddy and say "I want to talk to mom because she's my favorite today!"